Sit now and dream....

This is a story I once wrote. How I love to dream...

The tears rolled down her cheeks. She no longer tried to blink back the water in her eyes. The man in front of her became indistinguishable. She stared, thunderstruck, as he said nothing, never glanced back, never batted an eyelash, and walked out on her. What had happened? What had she done? What crime had she committed to promote such anger? She felt the café close in on her. She felt blinded. She threw down a $20 bill on the table and proceeded to run away from the staring, exposing eyes of the other people in the little shop. Where should she go now? There was no sanctuary left. She could not go home, for there were too many memories, too many reminders, of him. No place was safe, not even her own mind, where constant replays of the scene just a few moments ago rolled, the words pronounced with clarity and anger. She wanted to run, wanted to hide, but her heels would only take so much stress. She felt she was being stared down, as if the whole city knew what had happened. She quickened her pace, but her slender legs could not carry her much faster than she was moving. She still could not help but ponder her wrongdoings. What had she done to deserve this public berating? She knew she was not perfect, far from it. But still, where had this come from? What a year it had been and this was the last thing she wanted. When support was most needed, she was dropped into the oblivion that is loneliness. Every thought she had reflected back on her confrontation with him. But again, it all came back to why. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. If only she could do something. Every outlet for her, every door, had been shut. An overwhelming feeling of helplessness took over.

She dropped to her knees. Pain shot through her body, but she ignored it. Had she tripped? Had someone pushed her? Where was she? Where had her mind gone? Soft grass surrounded her as her face hit the ground. Why couldn’t she move? So much weight. A burly voice brought her back to reality. She looked into the eyes, oh those pale green eyes, of a handsome man hovering over her. His voice was thick with an Irish accent. He helped her to her feet. His dark brown hair glimmered in the sunlight. He reminded her of a Greek god, only Irish. He apologized for pushing her down. She had been walking aimlessly, but determinedly, when a domino affect had started and she was caught in the middle of it. He had dived to save her. She looked at him. Her savior, her god. She gazed at the chaos that now surrounded her. He had saved her life. She hadn’t even realized that she was in danger as she began to piece together the events of the day. She had blocked them out before, her only true and tried defense mechanism. All of the feelings came rushing back, overwhelming her senses and her body. Her knees grew weak and began to give out. The world began to fade out and grow black and suddenly there was nothing.

He looked at the beautiful creature lying in his arms. She had fainted right into him. He could not believe how sad her eyes looked as she had stared at him. What beautiful, sad eyes. He could not leave her there. It was growing dark. He carried her back to his apartment. He laid her on his sofa and tried to make her somewhat comfortable. He sat back in his chair and just stared. He could not believe an angel had fallen from heaven into his arms. He did not know who she was but that did not matter now. He felt that he had known her all his life. She stirred slightly in her sleep. He watched as her eyes slowly, then as she sat bolt upright. She gathered her bearings as he explained what had happened.

She nodded her head, just to show some recognition although none was made in her mind. She could not grasp the happenings of the day. So much, there had been so much. He tried to ask her if she was okay. She nodded as her eyes filled to the brim with tears. Oh, how could she have let so much get out of hand? Her cup had overflowed and she broke down on the handsome Irish god’s couch. He moved next to her trying slowly to calm her down. He took her into his arms and she cried into his chest. To be held by a man. She felt so comfortable with him, as if she had known him forever. She wept and he cradled her. He did not even bother to ask, for at this point words were unnecessary. He only wanted to comfort and console her now and he knew this was the only way. He let her cry. When she was finally able to stop, she looked up and apologized profusely. He told her to stop and when she tired to explain, he bent down and kissed her. It was so soft, so gentle and she welcomed it completely. She finally felt happy that day and he just kept her in his arms and so they slept, two complete strangers and yet two soulful lovers.

I'd snow if I were replacing words with snow...

holy hot as hell in this station
That's right ladies and gentlemen, I am on hour six of being at the station and still a few more to go.
Good deal right?
Well I am getting paid so I can't say much.

It's an incredibly easy job that will pay a decent bit of change.

Mike came up for the weekend.
Okay, so he came up to work.
Don't I feel special.
He came up to cover an Amerks game and to take care of some other work for the sports department.

Is it bad that I feel a tad bit neglected?

Maybe I got my hopes up too much, and am thus severely disappointed a lot.
But its my own fault. Like most things are.

I have the self worth of a peanut. Haha.

"Stop It! I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"

hahaha
Bet you can't tell me where that's from.

So once again, I am strapped for ideas on how to entertain myself between mic breaks.

Mike's left. Not that much attention was paid in my general direction.
I wonder what our relationship is...its not entirely normal thats for sure.

Then again, I don't know what normal is for a relationship...


Sorry mom, can't settle for perspective...it's all bull anyways...*shrug*



This could be the hardest thing
To leave without a single trace
Here without you
I fall apart...

She screams in silence...

To be perfectly honest, I forgot I even had this thing.
Which would be the reason that I haven't posted since April. But oh well.
Sometimes I'm amazed at how funny I can be. But no more...haha.

This year, okay well the fall semester of my sophomore year of school is something I want to quickly put behind me.
It has really been the semester from hell, with multiple mental breakdowns and some seriously stressful times.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying really really really really really really hard to pull myself together, but its coming to be really hard...

My mind, well it tends to skip between two stages. It's either a complete battlefield, with constantly spewing emotions and mixed signals. Wires cross like the trenches for my synapses to travel, confusing by my conscious mind and my psyche.

Either that or its a complete blank state, with no feeling, no mental transaction. Nothing.
I'm dead inside.

Which is always fun I must admit.




I fear that my life will become this never ending quest to be happy and that I will search for the next sixty years to find peace and tranquility and when it's there, I'll lose funding for it. Both metaphorically and literally.
I fear that I will be stuck reliving the same routine out day to day to day to day.
I hate redundancy.
It's why I don't discuss politics or religion.
Long story. Tell you later.


Well, the semester didn't end on a terrible note. My gpa didn't suck as much as I thought it would. And thinks are working out fairly well with Mike. But I guess we'll have to see with that one....I don't know anymore.

I'm trying to turn things around now. My mental strength and will power falter more than not nowadays. But anyways. Let's see where this takes me.

New year, new start...awww whatever.













kismet.