Which Tarot Card Are you...?

You are Judgement

Happiness, Content, Joy.

Judgment is related to the Hebrew letter Shin, which is fiery and spiritual. A break from the past, going forward.

With Fire as its ruling element, Judgement is about rebirth or ressurection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

oh damn...

Is there such a thing...?

As a real Mr. Darcy?
I highly doubt it.
Pride and Prejudice.
A brilliant novel and movie, with an exquisite soundtrack that I desperately desire. Alas, I have failed to even find the complete work online. (Because yes I do illegal thing in my spare time...ha!)
But should somebody stumble across my amazon wishlist, which is sparse at best, I am hoping they shall see the soundtrack there.

Yet here I sit, in the middle of the day, watching this moving and pining for my own Mr. Darcy.
Or at least a very cheap imitation of the thing.
Makes me kind of sick to my stomach.

Not only that, the artistry and craftsmanship that you see splattered all over the movie...I wish I had some form of artistic ability. If even just a scotch or a shred of it I would be appeased.

But, that shall never be. I have neither a steady hand, creative mind, nor pretty figure with which to be embodied in the world of art forever. And I do so desperately wish to be creative. Haha I have the tortured soul of an artist and I attempt to be somewhat imaginative with my words, but that only satisfies the taste for the time being.

But the piano!
Oh how I wish I could play the piano!!!!!
I desperately long for that. To be able to sit down and play out a beautiful composition. It's so elusive a dream but one that I really wish I could fulfill.

But I can't really complain can I...? I've a sharp wit. Ha. It'll get me far but it'll leave me alone, for nobody likes someone who is too sarcastic to even hold a meaningful conversation.

Oh well...There's a lot of things still weighing heavily on my mind. Some I wish I could say, and others I know that if I do anything about them, I don't think I'd like the outcome...

Sit now and dream....

This is a story I once wrote. How I love to dream...

The tears rolled down her cheeks. She no longer tried to blink back the water in her eyes. The man in front of her became indistinguishable. She stared, thunderstruck, as he said nothing, never glanced back, never batted an eyelash, and walked out on her. What had happened? What had she done? What crime had she committed to promote such anger? She felt the café close in on her. She felt blinded. She threw down a $20 bill on the table and proceeded to run away from the staring, exposing eyes of the other people in the little shop. Where should she go now? There was no sanctuary left. She could not go home, for there were too many memories, too many reminders, of him. No place was safe, not even her own mind, where constant replays of the scene just a few moments ago rolled, the words pronounced with clarity and anger. She wanted to run, wanted to hide, but her heels would only take so much stress. She felt she was being stared down, as if the whole city knew what had happened. She quickened her pace, but her slender legs could not carry her much faster than she was moving. She still could not help but ponder her wrongdoings. What had she done to deserve this public berating? She knew she was not perfect, far from it. But still, where had this come from? What a year it had been and this was the last thing she wanted. When support was most needed, she was dropped into the oblivion that is loneliness. Every thought she had reflected back on her confrontation with him. But again, it all came back to why. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. If only she could do something. Every outlet for her, every door, had been shut. An overwhelming feeling of helplessness took over.

She dropped to her knees. Pain shot through her body, but she ignored it. Had she tripped? Had someone pushed her? Where was she? Where had her mind gone? Soft grass surrounded her as her face hit the ground. Why couldn’t she move? So much weight. A burly voice brought her back to reality. She looked into the eyes, oh those pale green eyes, of a handsome man hovering over her. His voice was thick with an Irish accent. He helped her to her feet. His dark brown hair glimmered in the sunlight. He reminded her of a Greek god, only Irish. He apologized for pushing her down. She had been walking aimlessly, but determinedly, when a domino affect had started and she was caught in the middle of it. He had dived to save her. She looked at him. Her savior, her god. She gazed at the chaos that now surrounded her. He had saved her life. She hadn’t even realized that she was in danger as she began to piece together the events of the day. She had blocked them out before, her only true and tried defense mechanism. All of the feelings came rushing back, overwhelming her senses and her body. Her knees grew weak and began to give out. The world began to fade out and grow black and suddenly there was nothing.

He looked at the beautiful creature lying in his arms. She had fainted right into him. He could not believe how sad her eyes looked as she had stared at him. What beautiful, sad eyes. He could not leave her there. It was growing dark. He carried her back to his apartment. He laid her on his sofa and tried to make her somewhat comfortable. He sat back in his chair and just stared. He could not believe an angel had fallen from heaven into his arms. He did not know who she was but that did not matter now. He felt that he had known her all his life. She stirred slightly in her sleep. He watched as her eyes slowly, then as she sat bolt upright. She gathered her bearings as he explained what had happened.

She nodded her head, just to show some recognition although none was made in her mind. She could not grasp the happenings of the day. So much, there had been so much. He tried to ask her if she was okay. She nodded as her eyes filled to the brim with tears. Oh, how could she have let so much get out of hand? Her cup had overflowed and she broke down on the handsome Irish god’s couch. He moved next to her trying slowly to calm her down. He took her into his arms and she cried into his chest. To be held by a man. She felt so comfortable with him, as if she had known him forever. She wept and he cradled her. He did not even bother to ask, for at this point words were unnecessary. He only wanted to comfort and console her now and he knew this was the only way. He let her cry. When she was finally able to stop, she looked up and apologized profusely. He told her to stop and when she tired to explain, he bent down and kissed her. It was so soft, so gentle and she welcomed it completely. She finally felt happy that day and he just kept her in his arms and so they slept, two complete strangers and yet two soulful lovers.

I'd snow if I were replacing words with snow...

holy hot as hell in this station
That's right ladies and gentlemen, I am on hour six of being at the station and still a few more to go.
Good deal right?
Well I am getting paid so I can't say much.

It's an incredibly easy job that will pay a decent bit of change.

Mike came up for the weekend.
Okay, so he came up to work.
Don't I feel special.
He came up to cover an Amerks game and to take care of some other work for the sports department.

Is it bad that I feel a tad bit neglected?

Maybe I got my hopes up too much, and am thus severely disappointed a lot.
But its my own fault. Like most things are.

I have the self worth of a peanut. Haha.

"Stop It! I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"

hahaha
Bet you can't tell me where that's from.

So once again, I am strapped for ideas on how to entertain myself between mic breaks.

Mike's left. Not that much attention was paid in my general direction.
I wonder what our relationship is...its not entirely normal thats for sure.

Then again, I don't know what normal is for a relationship...


Sorry mom, can't settle for perspective...it's all bull anyways...*shrug*



This could be the hardest thing
To leave without a single trace
Here without you
I fall apart...

She screams in silence...

To be perfectly honest, I forgot I even had this thing.
Which would be the reason that I haven't posted since April. But oh well.
Sometimes I'm amazed at how funny I can be. But no more...haha.

This year, okay well the fall semester of my sophomore year of school is something I want to quickly put behind me.
It has really been the semester from hell, with multiple mental breakdowns and some seriously stressful times.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying really really really really really really hard to pull myself together, but its coming to be really hard...

My mind, well it tends to skip between two stages. It's either a complete battlefield, with constantly spewing emotions and mixed signals. Wires cross like the trenches for my synapses to travel, confusing by my conscious mind and my psyche.

Either that or its a complete blank state, with no feeling, no mental transaction. Nothing.
I'm dead inside.

Which is always fun I must admit.




I fear that my life will become this never ending quest to be happy and that I will search for the next sixty years to find peace and tranquility and when it's there, I'll lose funding for it. Both metaphorically and literally.
I fear that I will be stuck reliving the same routine out day to day to day to day.
I hate redundancy.
It's why I don't discuss politics or religion.
Long story. Tell you later.


Well, the semester didn't end on a terrible note. My gpa didn't suck as much as I thought it would. And thinks are working out fairly well with Mike. But I guess we'll have to see with that one....I don't know anymore.

I'm trying to turn things around now. My mental strength and will power falter more than not nowadays. But anyways. Let's see where this takes me.

New year, new start...awww whatever.













kismet.

Mommy meme

Because my mind is completely turned off right now and I'm bored, I felt the need to answer this. From my mom's blog,

1. When is the last time you had a paper cut?
To be honest...I don't remember...But I can tell you when my last cat scratch was...

2. Would you rather have a 5 pound tumor on your face or a 50 pound tumor on your back, neither of which could ever be removed?
I'm going to go with the most common answer to this question, my back. And I would proceded to live in a bell tower and talk to the statues. And make nice with the local gypsies.

3. What was the best part of your weekend? This past weekend?
Umm, maybe its me but that is grammatically incorrect. To be a righteous bitch about it.
My weekends consist of the same damn thing, or at least they should. Sleep and homework. And visiting my family to unwind from the stupidity that surrounds the minds of the people I currenlty live around.


4. Do you like peanut butter?
The Peter Pan PB sitting on my dresser right now should be the answer to that question. It is currently the staple of my diet in college. The best part of it is that my roommate is allergic and I'm always asking her if she would like some...why? Because apparently I really want to kill her...go figure...

5.List three foods you can’t stand.
Umm I really don't like raw onions, scalloped potatoes (much to my mother's dismay), and spinach. Blech.

6. Did you make your bed this morning?
HAHAHAHAHAHA! My bed still has the majority of my clothes on it from last week, because I have yet to find the time to neither make my bed nor fold and put away my clothes. Its too close to finals week.

7. When it comes to handshakes, are you firm?
Both my parents were Marines. What do you think.

8. What was the most effective punishment for you as a kid?
The only reason that I even responded to this questionaire, was so I could answer this quesiton. My parents had this innate ability to make me feel guilty, or at least I was really hard on myself. Either way, the worst thing for me to hear was that they were disappointed in me.
For my brothers, however, it was being told that they weren't allowed to see their friends and/or play video games. Go figure.

9. What is your favorite way to fix/eat potatoes?
Umm I really like chicken. But in regards to potatoes, umm I really like mashed, twice baked, and with ground up beef. My mommy makes that the best.

10. Ask me something.

My mom's: If you were able to relive one day of your life, which one would it be?

See, now thats a hard question. I've had many splendid days, and while they were all delightful, once through was good enough for me. (but if I had to choose, it would be the day I realized that I wouldn't have to see the douchebags in Quantico anymore...yeah that was nice)

And mine: If you could live in any time period, which would it be?

I got a bad feeling about this...

So, I took a trip last week, and about this time would have been the time I arrived back here at my dorm. While it was a worthwhile trip, there was much stress involved and now a much larger bit associated with the three days of work that I was put behind. *sigh* I guess not much I can do about it but show you all my list of the best and worst parts of my trip to Denver, CO.

Worst Parts:
-The chilly Colorado weather on the one day of shooting that we had.
-The only sweatshirt that I brought with me (one of my favorites) smelling like Thai food
-Hanging out at the Denver airport for an three more hours than necessary
-Having both of my return flights being delayed for at least 2.5 hours because somebody wanted to screw around with Atlanta security, and God wanted there to be rain.
-Having to leave my amazingly comfy hotel bed, and room all to myself
-Missing 3 days of class and 2 labs
-Coming back to a shitload of work
-Not sleeping the night I got back
-Dealing with ridiculously stupid people in the Atlanta airport Burger King…Where was the Burger-King When I needed him..?
-Leaving my camera @ home
-Sitting next to two creepy fat men on both my flight to and from Colorado. The latter was a really big guy who at times smelled really bad, when there was a draft and I was situated downwind of him…not to mention that his fat went under the handle of the seat and wouldn’t stop touching my leg…gross

Best Parts:
-Free hotel room to myself
-Missing 3 days of class
-Party Peanuts (sounds dirty!)
-The lightning storm that we passed coming into Atlanta (it was amazing!)
-The gorgeous clear skies and beautiful landscape of Denver
-Listening to Rascal Flatts and thinking of my roomie
-Dave, proving to be on of the best friends I have…Really weird mental connection…
-Laura and Bryan’s hilarious text messages to me… I love my Brockport peeps
-Seeing some awesome tornado footage and meeting the man paving the way for field research for tornados
-Working with some awesome and really funny people
-My mom picking me up hella late from the airport (try 2 am)
-Listening to a 2 gig iPod for the 2nd time around
-The asshole, Bluetooth totting business man in Atlanta-you don’t fuck with the black people in the ATL (yeah I know it’s racist…but funny!)
-Getting in my myth reading a day early
-The guy watching scrubs 2 rows ahead of me

I can’t really say anything about me missing Brockport terribly…now I must enter the realm of hell that is the last two weeks of class, and then finals week…
It would be nice to find something to smile about now…

For the sake of sanity...

So on the off hand chance that i have more downtime and what not...when i should really be studying chemistry for a test i'm going to fail tomorrow, but I need a mental break...i'm so burnt right now...Brain = off (for the time being)

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1.Student
2. ATM Technician Assistant
3. Babysitter (i hated this damn job...i have very little patience with the kiddies)
4. Did I mention student?

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Philadelphia Story (The Katherine Hepburn one...classic)
2. Donnie Darko (I do so love me some Jake Gyllenhaal)
3. Fight Club
4. Harry Potter movies (?...i really don't know...)

Four places you have lived:
1. Okinawa, Japan
2. England (don't remember where)
3. Stuttgart, Germany
4. Quantico, Virginia

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. SCRUBS!!!! (best show on right now)
2. ER
3. Dead Like Me (best show to ever be discontinued)
4. Coupling

Four of my favorite books:(why only four?)
1. The Thursday Next Series By Jasper Fforde (yes series, and it will count as one)
2. Heart of Darkness by Josef Conrad
3. The Odyssey By Homer
4. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead By Tom Stoppard

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Paris, France
2. Connecticut (to babysit but it was essentially a vacation)
3. Florida (yeah DisneyWorld!)
4. NYC

Four websites I visit daily: (Oh too many to count)
1. CuteOverload
2. Crazy Aunt Purl (i blame my mother for my current addiction to this site)
3. The Sneeze
4. Myspace

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pasta!
2. Chicken
3. My dad's carne asada and rice
4. Hummus (for the time being)

Four places I would rather be right now (with unlimited funds, of course):
1. London, England
2. Crete
3. Paris, France
4. At home...i miss my family right now...